Thursday, November 20, 2008
Uncover The Uncyclopedia!
Everyone is invited to Jerudong International School this coming Sunday (23/11/08) for an event called JIS Fun Day! :D Some Ukatrats FC players will be competing in the football matches :) Come see us!
I'm sure some of you might have heard about uncyclopedia. It's a spin-off, a parody of wikipedia. It used to have a whole article written about our country, Brunei. Somewhat, the article is seemingly true. Interestingly, the whole article has been mysteriously deleted.
Equally interesting, I found an extract of the article about Bruneian teenagers from an anonymous blog who claimed to have got them from uncyclopedia! :D So I decided to put it up :)
10% of the teens are simply losers, emulating emos and they have a tendency to AZN type. The other % of them are prudes who look like the world is coming to an end at the mention of sex, they adorn themselves with headscarves.
A secret conspiracy is going on as more and more male teenagers in the country appear to have a suspiciously similar looking hair fashion after visiting a $10 (student price) or $12 (Gullible student's price) hair-cut salon. It was believed that Japanese aliens had disguise themselves in a regular form of flamboyant male Filipino hairdressers working in the salon trying to invade Brunei by giving the male teenagers a JAP-style hair cut, leveling up their self-esteem simultaneously brainwashing them to know only vanity and become worthless to their parents and turn them into a being known as zombified-trash society. It is by this way that the Aliens will invade the country by using Brunei stupid teenagers.
Speaking of stupid, 65 percentile of Brunei teenage population are infected by a mysterious disease believed to be originating from a monkey biting a teen girl 28 days later (no pun intended) after the monkey-escaped-chaos incident. Its effect on Brunei teenagers is that they have the tendency to do nothing except spend time on their Friendster and now, Facebook! putting down ambiguous and pointless descriptions of themselves, Photo-shopping themselves to make themselves look bangable. They also update their blog daily, writing about what they did like going to so-called fancy restaurants like Excapade and Dome, plus they bizarrely take pictures of what they had ordered at the restaurant. Wait, I've came across a blog in which someone was showing off some ordinary chocs her daddy bought from a European country, oowww poor kid. The reasons for such actions are yet to be explain by the monkey scientists.
Another different but similarly serious disease of Bruneian teenagers is their impression that they are excellent in English and always attempt to adopt the glossy MTV accent, nevertheless, they still do not obtain As in their O Levels. This is partly blamed on parents who brought them to UK, where the disease is believed to have been originated from. Their parents should be banned from bringing them to England (that's where most of them go for "Luxury" holidays) on account of endless rambles about Marks and Spencer, River Island and the Big Ben. Not to mentioned bragging about stuff they bought at the excessively mind dumbing stupid overpriced goodies from the famous store in London called Harrods (You got it wrong d00d, not everything is dear in Knightsbridge) This cause a disturbance in the classes of teenage society declaring a country state of emergency in finding a cure to this I-am-cooler-than-you-coz-ive-been-to-UK-LOSER! disease a priority. (but nearly everyone has been to UK)
Subcultures such as Emo and scene kids are being adored by most Bruneian teenagers. The motive of being an EMO in Brunei is to wear black skin tights T-shirts and tights jeans which shows lumps of the Bruneian Emo boys' balls and being a cheap sad fag. The motive of being a scene kid is to wear the same clothings and being hardcore chollo-spoilt-brats listening to Metal music.
Brunei government is trying it's best to abolish emo culture since more and more majority of Bruneian boys are becoming gay. POPULATION crisis, Brunei is still an underpopulated country. The remaining 5% are dot dot dot.
RTB is the lamest TV station in the world with old folks are being viewed and the same programmes and shows are repeated like almost everyday which cause more Bruneians wanting to buy Astro or Parabolla. Truly enough, RTB always shows the lame lame lame latest gossips and affairs about old folks in Brunei. RTB caused 90% of Bruneian teenagers to be infected with the same I-am-so-bored-and-I-need-MTV diseases. Brunei teenagers have to bitch their parents in order to buy Astro (If they are a big fan of Akademi Fantasia, MTV programmes or Channel V programmes)or Parabolla (If they are a big fan of Dangdut, KDI-Kelab Dangdut Indonesia).
- Most of Bruneian old men love to seduce their amahs (house maids) and eventually, bang them.
- Almost two million years ago Darth Vader arrived in ancient Brunei from a galaxy far far farrr away deciding to conquer it. In the end its too far far farrr away for him so he decide not to.
- Do you know that the word Malay is derived from the word "Ma-las" an ancient Brunei term for Lazy....well no surprises there. And despite the common belief that the word "Brunei" comes from "Baru Nah", it was ACTUALLY from "Baru Iaa!!!!!"
- Almost 95% of all Bruneian Malays think Indons are nothing but bike-stealers (pencuri basikal). Don't believe me? Ask that Indon down the street who's riding something that *absolutely* looked like your bike.
- The roads of Brunei was once gold, but cars keep on skidding on it during rainy seasons creating problems, so the government sold the gold road on eBay and used the money to build a Free theme park called the Seru-Dong! Park Playground. The theme park was intended to attract increasing Indonesian workers in the country. The vision is, Seru-Dong! park was to be a new center for them as so they would stop Indonising the Yayasan area at the country's capital. Recently a multi-million dollar park renovation project took place aimed to redecorate the park to look more like a “ghost town” which is expected to provide spine-tingling excitement for the estimated 5000 visitors per day to the theme park.
- In Brunei, it is required by law that people should never walk more than 100 meters to their desired destination within the country. A journey of more than 100m should be used either by a small dorky ‘look-at-me-i-look-like-an-idiot-but-im-so-cool’ mini motorcycle or a big bulky ‘i-have-an-expensive-car-but-im-in-debt’ SUV vehicle.
- By law, if there is a road accident in Brunei which rarely happens, other drivers are required to slow down their cars to look curiously and criticize the accident. If possible, taking pictures of the road accident is greatly encouraged.
- If you wear a white hat (topi haji) while driving on a 2 lane roadway, you are required to drive less than 40 km/hour in the fast (right) lane, and let other drivers cut you from the left lane.
- In Brunei the meaning for "bank loan" is synonymous for "let's buy another car although we already have seven at home".
- Bruneians are well-known for its great wealth. They are so rich that when asked about the poor, they are like "Poor? What the hell is Poor? Can I buy it?".
- Talk is Cheap, and not many Bruneians realised that. For example, many of them go like 'I speak CO2', let's use bags with 'green' slogans yet do not practice veganism or vegetarianism.
- Kampung Ayer is called Venice of the East on account of the higgledy-piggledy housing arrangements.
- Brunei is Monaco with Down Syndrome.
- Dude, are you emo? If you are, let's make out without being gay!
- The nasi katok is definitely not a rip-off, for every satu bungkus, it contains a litre of animal grease, half a chicken, and sambal which requires great dexterity and terpaksa membanting tulang empat kerat untuk membuat. All that for a buck only.
I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with this entry. But I couldn't help it! Although not all of 'em are necessarily true(some are simply lame!), I think it is worth noting some true facts about us, Bruneians, than deciding to hide behind false denial faces :) Face it, some of them are true eh? :p
If it really proved to be so much offensive to the majority, then I will have to delete this entry. Know this - we DENcorps have as much right as a freedom of speech as everyone else :) Personally, I can be very rebellious. As far as I know, the DENcorps support democracy! :p
You bet its right!
:: Posted by DENCORPORATION at 6:10 PM