Sunday, February 10, 2008

What It Takes To Be A Super Hero...Or A Villain

As the title suggest, today’s topic will be about super heroes…

…and villains.

You know; Superman, Spiderman, Dr. Doom, Cicak-man, bla bla bla.

So yea, below are tips to be a true super hero (or a villain!). Do you have what it takes xD???

POWER UP

Almost every villains (and super heroes too) starts becoming, well, their present state, when their experiment fails. This failure will somehow cause a strange mutation upon the user and subsequently make the user more powerful.

First step of becoming a hero, or a villain (in some twisted cases), you need super powers.

So, if you want to be one, all you had to do is to conduct a very complicated experiment.

Make sure it fails. When the solution starts exploding like crazy, make sure you are close to it so that it will spill on you.


Too risky? You might want to try swallowing a twisted mutated cicak (if you want to be Cicak-man). Good luck.


Then you can start deciding on a cool name.


NAME

Yea, every super hero comes with a cool name. Superman, Spiderman, Hulk, Wonder Woman, Pyro, Wolverine, Professor X, etc. So you wouldn’t want to choose your own real name, would you? Instead of Ali, Jacky, Tiah, etc, you should choose something more unique and likeable.

Girl: Thank you for saving my life!
Tiah: Nah, I’m just doing my job.
Girl: :-)
Girl: So what’s your name?
Tiah: The name’s Tiah ;-)
Girl: Owhkay. (Now there goes my fantasy…)


Oh your name must have something to do with your ability. It would be weird to name yourself Flame-man when all you can do is flying. Where’s the catch in that?

“It’s a bird! No. It’s a plane! No! It’s f**king Flame-man!!”


Oh DO NOT choose a very very long name.

Super Hero: Do not worry, citizens of Earth for I, Thedoric Chong Sheng Shiong will save you from every evil lingering in this world!
Citizens of Earth: What!?


Nevertheless, Thedoric is a reaaally unique name. So you can choose that name if you ever decide to be a super hero, or a villain for that matter.


p.s. Only 2007 SOASC 5sc1 students will understand this joke :-)

ATTIRE

Every super hero and villain must have their own out-of-the-ordinary attire. I mean, is it really necessary?

“It’s a measure to hide my true identity,” so they (They as in super heroes. I don’t think I’ve heard villains said that before) say.


Sure, whatever. I thought wearing something normal would truly hide your identity. You know, you can blend in into the crowd without a second glance from anybody.

Why can’t they just wear something simple? Something like this:


Just Kidding...


You know Mysterio from the Spiderman series? He f**king wears a spherical fish tank on his head! Doesn’t he feel suffocated in that thing? Weird…


So if you want to be a super hero, you must choose bright color attire. The brighter the better. Most super heroes go for red. So I suggest you do the same thing too. Oh oh, don’t forget to wear your undies outside.


And if you think you prefer to be a villain, you should also wear something like that. Something that says ‘EVIL’.


If you’re a girl, and decided to become either of them, then you just have to wear something sluttish. You must show your legs, thighs, boobies, everything.

Or better:

Alessandro Ambrosio!She will make a ' good' villain ;-)

But don’t wear a fish tank on your head; that will just spoil the mood :s.


However you can still wear it if you’re a guy. Just kidding.

Ok that’s the attire part. Now let’s move on to...


SPEECHES

Every villain in this world dreams of world domination (some thinks global pandemonium is better). Hey, it’s not wrong to think like that! Everyone has their own dream, okay?

I don’t get it. What will you get from conquering the world? Money? Women? Living a king’s life? That’s about it, right?

I love money and women too. Everyone loves them too, no doubt about it. Well, at least all the men (unless if you are gay) loves it. That’s why you don’t see much female villains running down the street.

Villains love to announce their dream. That’s okay! He will be slaughtered by the super hero anyways.

Blogger's note: Remember...Super hero always wins.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“With my power, I will conquer the world!!! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! *Cough* So…cheese burgers, anyone? My treat.”

In Memories of:
Villain number 723,
1972-2003

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yea, if you want to be a villain, you must learn how to laugh hysterically. I suggest you watch Lion King and see how the Hyenas do that.

Just to refresh your memory on how those hyenas look like.

As for super hero...
“I will defeat you even if it means sacrificing my life. I will save the world from your spoilt vision.”
And after that, let the wind blow your hair. Don’t worry, there’s always a sudden gust of wind whenever a hero said something cool (Typically, Japanese heroes).

Sudden gust of wind

ACTIONS

Every super hero and villain encounters must involve kidnapping. Usually the person that kena kidnap is the girl friend of the super hero.

If you’ve decided on becoming a super hero, you should drop your love life. If you’ve decided to be a villain, then it’s ok. Super heroes won’t do dirty works whereas villains play by their own rules.

If you’ve played The Legend of Zelda, you’ll realize that every installment of the game starts with Princess Zelda getting kidnap by some really evil foes. Link (the protagonist) had to save her every time. I mean, doesn’t Princess Zelda learnt her lessons? Or maybe after back to back of kidnappings, she grew tired of it, and thought it doesn’t matter getting kidnap yet again because Link is gonna save her anyway.


The useless b*tch.

So if you’re a girlfriend of a super hero, you gotta make sure your super hero boyfriend is strong enough to rescue you every time you kena kidnap. If you’re a boyfriend of a super hero…then that’s just plain weird.




So there you go. After powering up yourself from a failed experiment, name yourself a cool, complicated and unique one, choose your attire wisely (or weirdly), practice your speeches and you can start by doing some actions.

Always remember, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” :-D


___________________________________________________________________
:: Posted by DENCORPORATION at 1:37 PM |

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Blog shared between Desmond, Edison and Nazrin. Edison is no longer a sleeping partner. What D.E.N. stands for is self-explanatory.




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